the Lottery Party: Dial E For Evil

by Richard Caldwell

The opinions expressed within this particular column in no means whatsoever represent those of the staff and/or editorial body of ComicNews.Info, its patrons, investors, sponsors(AA or otherwise), or its sister companies.

Yes, I am the fanboy who fesses up to his unabashed love for comic books, because clearly- I have no cult of personality.
And I can take you in a fight.
That said, there are many things about the medium that I wish could be hit with Kirby’s Ultimate Nullifier and blasted back to the stoned minds who called them forth from the nethers of lunacy. As much history as we have, there is plenty of room for oh so many stupid people, stupid decisions, and stupid books. I am calling some of you out.

Portrait of a trades scriber’s rant.

Manga/Anime. I like the efforts of Studio Proteus’ translations, but the people who obsess exclusively hardcore over manga titles in general need a kick to the head. The ones who fail to realize that Dragonballz was originally created for Japanese children, and Pokemon for Japanese pre-schoolers. You KNOW who I am writing about. The ones whose stench of outright fanaticism give other fanboys these undesirably stigmatic reputations in the public eye. The ones who spend more time putting together a detailed costume to wear at a 3-day comic con than they do in attempting any “normal” social life beyond working the drive-thru of their local fast food chain’d misery. Easily, 90% of what gets translated for Western markets is not intended for self-respecting adults, hentai titles aside. These fans so willingly embrace a culture so different from the actualities of their own day to day existence that you really stop and wonder just how hard a time they really had back in the high school locker room. Not all readers of course, just the ones who dive nose first beyond the levels of respectable complacency. What exactly is so wrong with our own market? Why not keep your money localized by buying books made by people who pay the same taxes as you? And what is it about manga that brings out the need to have iconic characters subjugated to lesser renderings? The fact is, most American readers still derogatively view manga-influenced art as cartoony. Of course there are exceptions to all rules, but this same semantic mindset is leading numerous wannabe artists to believe that lazy attempts at big eye’d stylings can get you published and famous.

Which brings me to my second argument, cyber-comics.
Finding an articulate and solid webcomic is like finding a specific grain of sand on a shoreline somewhere. The technology has advanced enough in recent years so that apparently anyone with a PS3 and a messiah complex(bigger than my own) can pop one out. The sad truth is that the number of persons producing webcomics today vastly outnumber the people with any real creative ability. With such a deluge in constant effect, why anyone would bother to attempt getting started in the medium of sequential art via this route is beyond me. Standing out in such a crowd is, in my mind, equivalent to the likelihood of a single and particularly specific digit standing out in your average phonebook and held at arm’s length. I understand the dire need some of us folks have for self-expression through creative endeavors, but if you want to make comix for yourself, drugstore spirals are cheap. If you want attention, you need to exert yourself far more than a social networking site mentality. Spam is what it is, while the box is bigger than you think. Again, exceptions are out there, no doubt. Myself, I prefer the visceral. The almighty WEB is still too new for many people to present itself as a forum for legacy in any comparable way. What joy to inherit a box of old comics, for such a thing to be lost from experience!

And on to the final rant of mine, the collector’s mentality.
Plain and simple- with few exceptions hereabouts, a comic is only worth what you can get out of it. Priceguides are great for building up pipedreams, but in all reality and especially with today’s lackluster economy, most comics of the past thirty years are simply not worth anything more than their original cover price. Do not stash your stash in plastic bags made with fibre-eating acids, or pull a Kevin Smith and rip them up as soon as they are read at the opposite end of this spectrum. Just read them. Enjoy them. Some of them might even have a message worth learning from. Appreciate the skill that went into the making- the genius of the storytellers and graphic artistry; and fill your shoeboxes on up for the next generation. Honest legacy is representative of memory, not money.
I bet you can count on your fingers and toes the number of people who made bank off of their collections, and still have enough digits leftover for a rude act or three.

Finally, I would like here to officially coin the statement that Rob Liefeld is the Ed Wood of comics. There, I said it, and in your fanboy heart you just know its the truth.

Now I need a cigarette. Apologies all over the place.

and miscellany redux:
captainhowdy023@gmail.com

Last 3 posts by Richard Caldwell

• Optimum Wound Contest Winners Lineup - September 9th, 2009
• Talking With The Ever Industrious B. Alex Thompson - September 4th, 2009
• Exclusive: Optimum Wound Contest! - September 4th, 2009

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